Mikkel Hørlyck

Jørgen, a Mystery is published in Information

Jørgen Pedersen (56) refers to his own life as a "heavenly hell". On heroin, you're in heaven, without it in hell. The constant hunt for cocaine and heroin controls Jørgen’s everyday life. Nevertheless, he survives. “I’ve always been good at dosing the drugs, eating regularly, having a social life and maintaining a daily routine.”

Jørgen turns up the music of Laid Back. When Jørgen was young, his friends from school thought he would become an actor, because he is very good at imitating other people’s voices and facial expressions.

Jørgen is on his way home from the heroin clinic in Aarhus. He is walking extraordinarily bent forward this day. His back hurts. But that does not stop Jørgen from singing and whistling.

"My mother told me that the power went off at the hospital the very second she gave birth to me. To me, this is very symbolic," says Jørgen to Birgitte at her apartment.

May 2016. On Jørgen’s way to his morning fix, he crossed a red-light right in front of a police car. He ended up in handcuffs. “They grabbed him hard,” says a social worker. First, Jørgen went to detention, later he went to the hospital because his shoulder was aching. The day after, Jørgen is still in pain.

While an 80s rock soundtrack hits the speakers, Jørgen slowly disappears into a universe of his own. His life is characterized by heavy ups and downs; when he is going through a rough patch, his apartment becomes more and more untidy and cluttered.

According to Jørgen, he was once lifeless for around 6-9 minutes due to carbon monoxide poisoning from a fire in his former apartment. The year was 1987. Someone in the building detected the smoke from Jørgen’s apartment and that saved him. The doctor said that if they had found him a few minutes later, he would not have survived.

With the blue 'bus 100', Jørgen is on his way to visit his mother. In his young twenties, Jørgen served the army as a radaroperator in the Army Operational Command.

The street where Jørgen lives. The mist has put a veil over the city, and Jørgen is not home. “He’s in the hospital,” says Jørgen’s guardian from the municipality. Every morning he checks on Jørgen.

Jørgen and his mother, Inger (83), hug in the entrance of Inger's home. She is the most important person to him.

April 2016. Jørgen is preparing a fix in his apartment. He loves art. “When I daydream, it’s always about wealth. I’m fascinated by money. When my brother Ole and I really had it going, we did not want for anything. We wore brands like Ralph Lauren and Lacoste, ate out, took a cab whenever we needed to go anywhere”.

Jørgen has just visited his oldest friend, Søren. He’s on his way to the kiosk to check whether he has won in a lottery game. “If I win and get all 20 numbers right, I’ll go crazy,” says Jørgen.

Birgitte (62) and Jørgen have been apart for six years but in the spring of 2018, they found each other again in an affectionate friendship. Prior to the break, they were together for 25 years. Birgitte too is a drug addict and when she and Jørgen used to be together, she earned a living as a sex worker, while Jørgen was dealing drugs.

Handprints on the wall by the entrance to the former heroin clinic, one of the five heroin clinics in Denmark. Every day, Jørgen visits the clinic where he receives two daily heroin fixes as well as aid in health and practical matters, just like 19 other heroin addicts in the city. 

The staff at the heroin clinic hopes to be able to give the visitors the energy and motivation to become clean. 

But for Jørgen, the game is over. "I've tried rehab several times but keep falling into temptation.” In addition to Jørgen's daily visits to the clinic, he injects five to ten times a day.

Examination at Skejby Hospital. The doctors tell Jørgen that he suffers from a liver inflammation – news that every drug addict dread. The doctors also found something much worse; spinal staphylococcus, an inflamed cardiac valve and gallstone. Jørgen stayed at the hospital for seven weeks.

Jørgen has just visited the heroin clinic where he meets up with Henrik (left) and Michael (right), who also visit the clinic daily. They all got a clean fix. 

Cotton wool, tape and other supplies are taken home from the heroin clinic for later use.

“If you can’t trust people, they are of no use,” says Jørgen.

Jørgen is in a hurry. He is late for his appointment at the heroin clinic. If he doesn’t make the appointment, he’ll receive methadone, not heroin, which has its adverse effects. It causes a shortage of heroin in his body, which only makes his abuse increase.

Jørgen visits his brother Ole’s burial place at Malling graveyard. ”I can’t fight the tears when I think of my brother. It just starts pouring. In this very moment too. I miss him every day”. The two brothers spent all their time together. 

Since Ole passed away in 2012, Jørgen has thought of himself as “a lonely cowboy”.

Jørgen's stuffed hummingbird.

A hummingbird often seeks a flower called Bird Of Paradise. Artistically the bird sucks out nectar, the flower essence, with it’s thin long beak.

Henrik, Jes and Jørgen crossing the road on a spring day in Aarhus. After visiting the heroin clinic, Jørgen usually goes to the supermarket to do grocery shopping and after that he gamble on the same ten numbers in a game called 'Keno'. He does that every day. 

If Jørgen's early-retirement-money won’t cover the expenses of the entire month, Jørgen begs around the city.

Jørgen (right) and his brother Ole (left) in one of Jørgen's family albums. His brother was a smart guy, who finished his theology degree while he and Jørgen sold a lot of heroin and made big bucks in the 80s. 

The profit that Jørgen and Ole gained from selling brown and gray heroin was gone from one day to the other. It was the end of the days of glory. Their dealers in the Netherlands were caught but they still had to find money for heroin. 

Birgitte (64) and Jørgen listening to Roger Waters. Jørgen is singing along: “It’s a miracle, another miracle”. 

“When we were young, I used to pray to God to have Birgitte be mine. I saw her do a show at a downtown disco once. Since then I was sold,” says Jørgen.

Jørgen starts the toaster but leaves the bread on for too long. “What’s happening Jørgen?!,” says Inger. The bread starts smoking and the smoke detector is activated. He stands on a chair to turn off the smoke detector and change the batteries at his mothers home. "Sorry, mum!" he yells.

“When Jørgen was a teenager, I worried a lot about him. He hung out with some real troublemakers. They pulled him into all of this,” says Inger.

March 2018. Jørgen has just discharged himself from the hospital and is on his way home. Jørgen's one leg was double its normal size because of an infection. He loves to swing his walking stick when passers-by are looking. “I want to make a playlist for my funeral titled “Highway to Hell".

“Once I forgot 300 grams of heroin at a café in Hamburg. I spent all my money on that heroin. After that, I was ready to end it all and had prepared a gun to commit suicide. But I didn’t do it because I had no right to hurt my mother, brother, Birgitte and others”.

Maria and Jørgen on their way home from the heroin clinic. Maria lives in the same building as Jørgen, and they often accompany each other.

Jørgen has been through a MR-scanning. Jørgen has a good relationship with the nurses at the different institutions and hospitals that he goes to. Especially ward “Q” for infectious diseases, on which both Jørgen and Ole have been hospitalised several times. 

The doctor suspects that Jørgen’s recent backpains are caused by spinal staphylococcus, one of his previous diseases.

“The heroin clinic is the last stop before you die,” says one of the visitors outside the clinic. Maria (in the middle) and Pia (on the right) are waiting for a cab. They just had a fix and don’t have the energy to walk home. “Jørgen, wait! I have to talk to you,” Jon (on the left) yells. Jon and Jørgen (wearing a woolly hat) agree on a time to meet and deal cocaine.

Jørgen's friends from school call him “Sol”, which means sun. When Jørgen wasn’t in school, he always played football and, according to his own assessment, he was quite big of a talent. “Jørgen never came home from the pitch before sunset,” his mother Inger says.

The other night Jørgen’s mother, Inger, fell from her bed and hurt her back. She is in pain and Jørgen supports her in her kitchen. Inger's health has been significantly deteriorating over the past year. “Her condition has been critical, it was so close to the end. I’m so nervous on her behalf,” says Jørgen.

On his way home from his mother, Jørgen has to use the customer toilet in a grocery store to recharge his energy before he takes the bus back to Aarhus.

Jørgen is in a hurry and on his way to his bank before meeting a drug dealer. “Once, I ran away from an open prison because of severe withdrawal symptoms. Actually, I did it twice."

Jørgen takes a rest on a bench in his favourite park 'Skanseparken' close to his apartment in the center of Aarhus. He has lost a small lump of hash and is looking for it on the ground.

From the left: Morten, Henrik, Bo and Brian in the morning by the entrance to the heroin clinic. Jørgen has just walked through the door and out comes Brian with his dog.

Jørgen and Birgitte like to reminisce but talking about their memories may also easily provoke an argument between the two. It gets intense when they argue who did the lion’s share of the cocaine they bought together. Once in a while, it is necessary for them to be apart.

“I love to play loud music through the window for the people who are on their way home from a night out,” Jørgen laughs, side by side with his favourite crow. “I was one of the founders of ‘The Alice Cooper Gang’ in Malling. We were young and simply loved their rock music".

Jørgen, high on heroin, embraces his angle. Sample of his favorit musicians:

Cars
Simple Minds
Susan And The Banshees
Eagles
Laid Back
C.V. Jørgensen
Kraftwerk
Nico
Lou Reed
Velvet Underground
Bifrost
Elton John
Suede
Keith Thomas

Jørgen is standing outside his door talking with Reza, another old man from the drug scene.

Jørgen is hospitalized at Skejby Hospital's emergency department because of internal bleeding in his stomach. 

When Jørgen has to submit blood samples, his mood changes. Paradoxically, he hates those needles, because it hurts when the nurses have to find a vein to draw blood from. It may take a long time.

Jørgen is in a hurry in the morning traffic. He is late for his appointment at the heroin clinic. He makes it.

After a fix in his apartment. "I've always said that I never feared death. But as of today, I'm not so sure anymore," says Jørgen.

December 2017. Maria and Jørgen are on their way home from the heroin clinic.

Jørgen knocks on Maria’s door and asks her if he can borrow some cigarettes. Unfortunately, the answer is no.

Jørgen is doing a pose in his hospital room. It is his last day at Skejby Hospital in the summer of 2016. He was hospitalized for seven weeks.

Jørgen when he is young and waves goodbye to his mother, while she is photographing him. Jørgen is on his way to prison, with a train called 'Oddergrisen'. Inger has made him a packed lunch and accompanied him to the train.

Birgitte and Jørgen love to talk about where they dream of traveling to.

With his walking stick, Jørgen is looking for his old diamond ring. He is sure that he has lost it.

Jørgen is dressed up ready to attend a high school anniversary, which takes place every fifth year. He never completed any education, but the staff at the heroin clinic, who helps him with his health and addiction, still calls him the clever guy.

Jørgen in the rain right outside his apartment. The license plate has been blurred

When Jørgen needs to buy his daily consumption of drugs, he often negotiates with other addicts. People from the drug scene calls Jørgen “one of the last men standing".

Jørgen is walking through Malling graveyard on his way to his mother. A few minutes later he yells: "No, no, no! I see several names of my old schoolmates on these headstones”.

Jørgen is sleeping in his apartment, while his favourite radio channel 'Radio24syv' is playing.

Jørgen is entertaining Maria and the rest of the bus by throwing a cake up in the air and catching it. Jørgen and Maria have agreed on taking the bus to the heroin clinic, because their legs are aching.

"My mother gave me these trousers. They're from Hugo Boss". 

“More than a woman,” Jørgen sings along to the disco track by Bee Gees while wearing a new wig. “I have the energy of a 16-year-old today. When I was little, I loved the voice and sound of Bee Gees, it was so wild and different”.

Jørgen and Brian run into each other at the harbor in front of the heroin clinic. “Just let me know if anyone is after you. I’m behind you!,” says Brian (right) to Jørgen. A homeless drug addict has accused Jørgen of owing him money and has threatened him, which scares Jørgen.

“Brian is the kind of person who goes all the way, if it comes to a scuffle. He has no limits,” says Jørgen. They have known each other for a long time.

“Jørgen, talk to me!”, says Inger frustrated. Jørgen keeps falling asleep, no matter if he sits by the dining table or on the couch. He is exhausted and needs a rest.

Every time Jørgen visits his mother he shaves himself, takes a bath and finally wears his flowered bathrobe. He talks, relaxes and eats with Inger, checks the football results on Text-TV and if he is too tired to take the bus home to Aarhus in the evening, he sleeps in his old room.

“I have to go home to pick up the chicken, then I’ll be there,” says Jørgen to Birgitte on the phone, in a park next to the heroin clinic. It is Birgitte's birthday, but Jørgen is feeling stressed out because his mother, Inger, was recently hospitalized.

“Hey darling". Jørgen is in a taxi, telling Birgitte on the phone that he is in good health and on his way home after examinations at Skejby Hospital.

July 2021. Jørgen (61) is comforted by Birgitte. He has just been diagnosed with cancer in his liver. The doctors cannot remove his tumor because of his present health condition. They are afraid that a surgery will make his health worse. He already has a disease in his liver.

"The doctors say that I only have two, six or 12 months left to live. They cannot say how long precisely. Yet, I still feel the spark of life inside me. I'm ready to fight for it. I do not feel that I'm dying," says Jørgen.

Birgitte and Jørgen are talking about what to do. If Jørgen should move to a hospital, a hospice or stay at his apartment. He chooses to stay in his apartment.

 "I would never have made it, after Ole's death, if I didn't have my mother by my side. Now, I have to try to gather myself and tell her the news about my situation". Jørgen cannot bear to tell her that she might soon lose another son. “I have too,” says Jørgen.

Jørgen is finally laying down. He is in shock. Only moments ago, one of his best friends Johnny had a heart attack. They live in the same building. Johnny fell down, when Jørgen entered his apartment. Jørgen gave him heart massage, until two ambulances arrived.

“What will happen to him? I'm his closest friend. Johnny has no family," says Jørgen to a nurse. Jørgen needs to lay down. He can feel his lack of power caused by the tumor. During the following night at 01:30, Johnny died.

Jørgen loves the flowers of Skanseparken.“First comes the shock, sorrow and powerlessness, then comes the realization and hopefully the acceptance. But it can take a while to reach the last two things,” says Jørgen.

Jørgen doesn’t have the powers to visit the clinic by walking himself. Either a taxi drives him to the clinic or a nurse visits Jørgen’s apartment.

A bag of medicine. Jørgen has reduced his use of heroin and cocaine significantly after he got cancer.

The cross used to hang on Jørgen’s wall, but he has changed the places of all of his furniture.

Jørgen wants to focus on the best possible time he can have.

Birgitte and Jørgen have known each other for 36 years. "I am constantly worried about you," says Birgitte (65).

“I do not want to die. It is so unfair. I only think about my mom,” says Jørgen. He cries at the end of every sentence.

Jørgen has lost way too much weight the past month and has been hospitalized at Skejby Hospital. He is afraid of falling asleep and not waking up again. His liver cannot recover because it is troubled by his liver disease and the tumor at the same time.

Jørgen is ultimately worried that his mother should experience yet another son die. She is his closests and he wants to endure until christmas. He and his mother didn’t have a proper Christmas last year because of coronavirus. “Where there is trade, there is gambling. I want to stay until Christmas, ”says Jørgen.

Jørgen sleeps.

The doctor comes into his room. “Aren’t there anything to do?!,” asks Jørgen. “No, Jørgen. We can’t treat the underlying liver disease or the tumor. But Jørgen, you have lived far longer than I expected,” he says. Jørgen accepts his answer, asking about his dose of morphine. “Jørgen, you get so much morphine that it could lay down a horse,” says the doctor. They both laugh.

“Jørgen was so much of a hedonist that he got addicted to it. He is an extreme human being,” says Mads Oxholm (33) one of Jørgen’s close friends, who isn’t a drug addict, but an artist and a musician.

“I think that higher powers are visiting us today,” says Jørgen, while the sun, alive and powerful, paints his room number 648 with expressionistic light.

Jørgen cries. Almost in every sentence. He really does not want to die. Suddenly, he laughs tragically. He wants to hear The Doors - The End. He knows that his life is coming to an end.

We hold hands while listening to this great number by one of our favourite music artists. We tell each other how much we loved and cared for one another and talk about our friendship.

In the night, Jørgen dreams of a big man yelling “wake up”. Jørgen literally wakes up and is shocked. The night is full of near death experiences. He fears meeting his death and the process of it.

Jørgen relaxes. 

Suddenly, he cannot find his phone. He look for it and when he lift up his duvet, black trousers appear. Birgitte visited him the day before. “Always have the laughter on your side, as Kierkegaard said," says Jørgen. In comes a nurse with chicken and mashed potatoes. Jørgen cries of happiness and gratitude.

Jørgen’s area of Aarhus. He starts to lists his remembrance of his youth, while laying in his bed:

“I was happy growing up in the 60's. Wages exploded. From 55-65 the wage for ordinary work increased 300%. Then I watched football and thought this was important since men could shout like that. Then there was the Vietnam War, murder all the time, people were bombarded about drugs on television. Drugs were a new phenomenon coming to Denmark. Then Jim Hendrix died, then Jim Morrison died. The story was told all the time. Then I found out I was good at football. When I played for Malling I was the 12’ man. I was furious about it, but then I got into the second half and then hell broke loose. I played around with them. Dribbled 5-6 men, from my own half, and then I hit the post. Then they said on the bench: what do you give the boy to eat Inger? Then I was offered to come to Silkeborg. Played like a dream. Then I said there was nothing I would rather do, but I can’t because of the military. I was on an important mission at a radar station. Then there were Beatles dolls, Beatles shoes, Beatles finger rings, posters, everything was The Beatles. A revolution. The transition from football to the drug environment was fluid. Every day I came home, it was on with the football clothes, shoes, jersey and up on the football field. It was like that every day. I started playing in a club in Malling IF Egelund, when I was four years old. I was almost crying when I scored in a match and got a thump in the back. It was very overwhelming. Trained technique to perfection. For example, I only played with the left foot for a week. Then the right foot. Then you become good. I could not understand the grown men, how they went from ecstasy to crying during the football fights - this must be something important. It was amazing really. I was a sports nerd. Then there was summer olympics, then winter olympics, then Euro Cup and World Cup. I saw it all. England vs. Brazil where the save of the century happened. 1970. And the head thrust of Pelé. I remember what it was like yesterday. I was ten years old”.

Jørgen lies dead and in peace at the chapel in Skejby Hospital. Part of Jørgen’s last will contained that he wished that one of his angels should be placed on his chest on his way to heaven.

His mother Inger visited Jørgen on the 4th of September. Jørgen couldn’t barely talk. Suddenly, the sun shined on his room and Inger began to sing: “In the east the sun rises''. Jørgen found strength and spirit. He sang with her. After Inger’s visit, Jørgen fell asleep at 20:30 and never woke up again. He let go.

Inger went back and the nurses and doctors had prepared Jørgen’s room with candle lights. “He was a beatiful, smart and persistent human being. His will was made of steel. Like his mothers,” says the nurse Kerstin, who knew Jørgen for many years.

"He was a very educated man," says Thorleif, a friend from primary school, whom Jørgen has been in touch with ever since.

Friday the 10th of September. The funeral of Jørgen. The Church of Sct. Pauls at Jørgen’s turf.

A well prepared priest gave the sermon with nerve and pondus. “Jørgen had interest in one of the hardest subjects in life: philosophy,” says the Priest and lifts his eyebrow like it was Jørgen himself telling a good story. Birgitte can’t hold back any tears. One of the songs was from the Danish band Bifrost, as Jørgen wished.

Fifteen people showed up at the funeral. Family, friends and nurses. “Thanks for everything Jørgen,” says Inger while bending forward, holding her hand on the coffin.

The crematorium where Jørgen was burned. A month after Jørgen’s death, Inger is hospitalized at Skejby hospital's emergency department. “I have severe pain in my stomach. I think it’s the process of grief,” says Inger. It is the second time she has lost a son. "I care about him a lot. As I say to those closest to me, I have almost just put a lid on Ole's coffin, ”says Inger.

Jørgen was a gracious man. And a healer. “Everybody has a healer within themselves,” he always said. Jørgen loved people, sport, music, knowledge, spirituality and animals.

Birgitte saying goodbye for the last time at the church of Sct. Paul. She loved him to the end. “After we were told how bad Jørgen’s condition was, there went 60 days until he died,” says Inger.

Six weeks after Jørgen’s death, his mother Inger (88) died.

All things in Jørgen's home were precious to him. Especially his beloved crow. 

"He was a drug scientist. He knew all about it. Sometimes, he used a weight worth of 20 or 30.000 Danish kroner. He read all his reports and medical records from the heroin clinic and Skejby hospital about himself. He understood what state he was in. His own body was part of his own scientific experiment,” says Mads Oxholm (33), one of Jørgen’s close friends. 

Mads are emptying Jørgen’s apartment. Almost every piece of furniture has a story. Mads´ remembrance of Jørgen’s many stories starts; "many years ago, Jørgen was part of a small group with lawyers and doctors, who had access to a special heroin called ‘White Thai no. 4’. It was from a direct source in Thailand".

“You were God's gift to this earth, Lene," said Jørgen to Lene, who was his guardian. "We went straight into each other's hearts," says Lene and cries. Lene has never been allowed to touch Jørgen’s hand or back. Jørgen wasn’t fan, if people laid a hand on his back. But in the end, Jørgen himself suggested that she should hold his hand. And she did.

Thanks to everyone who supports the project and has been helping during the process of editing.